My stay in SG [part 3 - the scholarship's aftermath]

So, that was November 2006, my 5th semester in NUS, when I first had this thought of pursuing a Master degree outside sg, albeit not knowing where to apply. So I sent the NUS Registrar Office an email, telling this person (to be called AO from now on) that I might want to defer my bond for a postgraduate study and thus asking how the procedure would be. She then replied my email explaining that I'd be required to either provide 2 SPRs who are willing to sign a supplemental agreement or to put a security deposit in a bank of 10% of the total amount of the scholarship, which'd be around 7k SGD. Either procedure was meant as a guarantee that I'd come back to sg to serve my bond immediately after being conferred the master degree from overseas. So, that was a bit of a consolation to me, knowing that there's still a chance to do my master anywhere in the world but sg.

Time passed by and I was then in my final year when I heard that one of my senior, who was also under the same scholarship with me, had started his graduate program in one of the universities in the United States. I tried to ask him the formal procedure for deferring the bond, and what he had gone through was exactly the same with what I had been safely assuming, according to the email I previously mentioned.


Not knowing if I was good enough to get an offer from any university in the US, I decided to give it a try. I sent 3 applications to 3 different universities following the grueling month (note the singular form) of GRE and TOEFL preparation. Weeks later, I learnt that 1 of my application was successful, and the offer I got was indeed from the university I had been dreaming of. Wow....wasn't that great? Yeah, but this 'dream' was soon to be ruined into pieces.
After confirming that I got everything I need for the entire duration of the graduate program, I sent this (what I thought as) good news per email to the same person I had contact with, Ms. AO. I told her that I had gotten an offer of admission, together with a teaching assistantship which'd cover all my expenses as well as the tuition fees. I can still remember where I was at that time; I was at the Statistics Lab (S16 Level 5) doing my FYP presentation slides (or slacking, maybe). I was about to go home when I checked my email and...there you go, 1 reply from the Reg. Off. I couldn't believe what I read, but this is how it sounded (based on the true excerpt):
Dear Sie Haskell
Please send in an appeal email to us stating your reason for choosing to do the PhD Program overseas instead of locally by Friday 22 February 2008.
Please also note that there is a change in the policy for deferment of overseas postgraduate study. Under the new policy, if your appeal is successful, you will be allowed to defer your bond by putting a security deposit with us in the form of a Banker's Guarantee. The security deposit will be 100% of your liquidated damages. Scholars who have not completed the Tuition Grant bond are required to seek the Tuition Grant Unit's approval to defer their TG bond as well.
Please do not hesitate to contact us if you need further clarifications.
Thank you.


Surprise surprise...yeah, it was so surprising that it nearly killed me. I didn't know what to say, what to do or what to reply, so I just went back to PGP, called my KTB off, and tried to fix my mood writing a reply. Luckily I was still kind enough using "thank you" instead of "fuck you" at the end of the email.
Despondently, I sent an email which I haven't stop regretting to date. As expected, it didn't do any good. The next reply I got was only to tell me that they'd submit an appeal on my behalf to the company (or maybe to themselves) regarding my request of paying only 10% of the LD. Btw, in case you haven't realized it, 100% of the LD amounts up to around 75k SGD or about 500 million Rupiah. Fuck it. And fuck the other LD as well....which LD? Yeah, aside from this 75k thingy I still have another obligation which'd cost me 87k SGD to break. How awesome.


Ok, now that I was only one more step from being unnecessarily stranded to work in sg when I wasn't ready, I had no choice but to contact the university offering me a graduate admission. I had to tell them that, unfortunately, I might need to reject the offer for the time being due to this horrible scenario I had not anticipated. That was the worst choice I'd ever make, and the feeling was bad...really bad. Knowing that I had gotten everything, from admission offer to scholarship, but ended up not being able to go was such a nightmare. Ok, I'm not trying to be so religious or anything, but I did keep asking God why it happened. Why would He give me all I'd need yet at the same time let me have such a huge problem? Wouldn't it be better if I just got rejected from all 3 univs? But well, soon enough I realized that we human are incapable in many aspects of our lives. No matter how well we have everything planned, God rules. None of our plan will come to reality if He says no. This, at least, taught me not to rely fully on myself.


Enough being so spiritual. Now comes the evil part. I did mention that I'm not trying to be so religious, didn't I? Hell yeah, I'm by no means being religious. When it comes to forgiveness, I just don't buy it. The fact that those people are the ones ruining my plan is more than enough for me to hate this island and its people more completely. Indeed, I did have the right to question all those that happened because the way my appeal was processed was just wrong. *well, I do think that this deserves its own part. So, let me just finish it here and continue on the next one*