my 25th week at work

This week...yeah time passed really fast this week, thanks to my on-maternal-leave boss who btw will still be away for at least 11 more weeks, lucky me. Without her being around, I'm practically being the boss for myself LoL...so yeah I really enjoyed my time at the office, where I can do whatever I feel like doing and leave anytime I feel like going straight back home. Well, don't get me wrong; I still have things to do, and by "things" I mean those related to the job, but as always, I did them all quite fast so I had more free time for myself to work on my German vocab list.

Another highlight of the week is this decision I finally made after nearly 6 months. Yeah, I finally shortened my maybe-applying-to list of Stats doctorate degree programs to 2 univs: Wisconsin & Purdue. It took me like some couple of days to decide that only Wisconsin survived as the final choice, partly due to Purdue lacking renown researchers in the multivariate statistics & linear model fields. To date, I haven't yet decided if I should really file an application to Wisconsin and frankly speaking, I don't think I will. I know how this makes me sound like a complete geeky waverer, but somehow it just makes me feel better knowing that I have gone through all the univs more thoroughly, and by doing this I hope that I won't regret my choice in the future, unlike my previous regret in choosing (or being forced to choose) high school.
So, should I really be given chance to pursue my graduate program in the States, it's gonna be either Penn State or Wisconsin, with 0.9-0.1 being their corresponding probability of having me around LoL....

Today itself was a great, albeit short, getaway for me. It's been quite a while since the last time I watched a good movie, and finally, after waiting like almost a month, I found this Wild Child, which didn't let me hesitate for a single second to rate it 5/5. Yeah, it's a great movie, after the very disappointing Quantum of Solace. So for those needing a time off from daily routines, this is a must...before the long-awaited Quarantine and Four Christmases which will be released together on Nov 27.

By this time next week, I'll have been working as a Statistician (or, Facebook Analyst) for exactly 6 months. Wow, now this is an achievement...I just can't believe how I could survive the job this long, which started even prior to my graduation ceremony last July. Now I only hope that I'll still be given strength to survive for another 7 months until next June before I can finally convey this thought of mine to the 'boss', "Hi, I'd like to let you know that I want to resign next month. Please do whatever things necessary to get me out of here asap"

....can't wait to go back home, yeap, 26 more days

I'm so free that even this random conver is posted on my blog

So it was like 1.30PM just now when I was kinda busy playing Who Has the Biggest Brain that this Canadian guy showed up, scared the hell out of me asking, "Hi Haskell, you remember when we first talked, you mentioned about your interest pursuing a graduate study in Biostatistics?"
"(Errrr,did I? Oh crap, that again...I was joking, you know, like for the sake of getting the biostats-related job) Oh yeah, sure I do, what about it?", I replied.
"We've been having this conversation with *some random guys I don't even bother to recall the names* and there's a possibility for you to be in the first batch of the new PhD program in Biostatistics", so he said.
"So is that gonna be in NUS?"
"Yes, I think so."
"(OK, forget it. I'm leaving soon anyway. And what was that? First batch? Woohoo no thanks, I know exactly how it feels to be in the first, second, or even third batch of something new, like my senior high years where I was one of those in the 2nd batch. Crap. Things were just newly developed, not stable, and unprofessional. And wait a sec, did you just say Biostatistics? With the word "BIO" on it? Bio like in genetics, genotype, phenotype and so? Well, no, I'm not into it). Well sounds great, I'll give it a thought"
"Yeah, sure, just let me know, I'm still gonna be around until next Friday"
"Alright, sure I will (not). I'll see you around then"

good day...yessss....

hari ini gw mo ngeblog pake bahasa indo ah....gile lama bgt nih ga nyampah pake indo haha....gw lg sangat sangat...pokoknya sangatttt senanggggg hahahaha.....today is really one hell of a day..
dtg k kantor nyampe jm10 kurang dkit...yessss gelap!!! I'm the first one to arrive...trus ud berharap smg bos gw ga dtg searian...jd gw bs bljr spanish dgn tenang bwt tes bsok

then gw coba iseng2 cek harga tiket lg...pdhl sih ud 99.99% yakin bklan harus k paragon mg dpn bwt beli qatar...walopun msh ilfil gara2 balikny bakal jm2pagi nyampe sg...ud ky org pulang dugem...
tanpa disangka2....loh koq lufthansa 233 ya? tiketny yg sbulan pula?gila salah liat ga niy??belom tax kali y?eh loh...koq udah inclusive...gilaaaa....wah org sabar disayang Tuhan ternyata bener loh hahaha....untung gw belom beli2 tiket mpe skrg...yesss....lgsg beli deh....
pswt favorit gw hahaha....kita emg jodoh....slaen bs practice German on board, gw jg ud butuh stok blindfold baru neh...

dan brita bagus gw hr ini ga brenti sampe disitu...gw trus dpt sms,dr no. yg gw sndiri gatw no.sape...klo bos gw dah branak...woahhhhh senangnya....well,bukan sng sebagaimana kesenangan yg mgkn bos gw sndiri rasain sih (duh indo gw jd ancur gini!!),tp seneng krn....what else....dia bakal cuti etlis 3bulan hahaha.....bebasssssss....mo dtg dan pulang jem brp-pun....mo menyibukkan diri ama german2 gw...yessss.....gosh u guys just don't have any idea how I'm thrilled by this good news hahahaha........

oh iy,td pagi pas chat ama barry dia blg "have a pleasant day at work"....yess....you bet bar!!! indeed,it's gonna be a pleasant 3month time at work hahahahaha

pardon my French.....I've just learnt so many new vocabs in French today

I can't handle this anymore, god damn it. This whole idea of spending yet another 8months in the god damn island just doesn't work for me...fuck...gosh I hate this...
Ok, I've been trying to do whatever I could possibly think of, just for the sakes of getting used to this kind of life. Well guess what, nothing seems to work. Just to think about how I'd need to spend half of next year, from Jan to June, doing basically the same thing (which is nothing) as what I've been doing for the past 6 months, would terrify me. I can't believe how I've survived all these shits for nearly 6 months...gosh would it be possible to do the same thing all over again? 34 more weeks out of 57...crap....this hasn't even been half of it...

So this is weekend, and guess what, I'm right here at home, just like any other day sitting right in front of my laptop doing nothing. What a fucking pathetic life....it's not like I'm not trying to go out or something. I do people...I really do, just this afternoon after my Spanish class I did go to malls....[note the plural form]....but after 4.5 yrs in sg you just can't expect much to get to see new stuffs.....you'll just see whatever you've been constantly seeing for nearly all the time you've spent in the god damn island....
Be it weekdays or weekend, I just can't find any interesting thing to do...which is why I have always loved this minuscule island, by no means....

I don't know where else to go, what else to see, or who else to screw...thinking about going out to other city? hell you gotta be kidding me...this island is literally surrounded by seas...so unless you wanna end up committing suicide in the South China Sea or whatever it's called, you'd basically do the same thing with me.
Suddenly all those years of my mugging look better, I at least had something to do and to bitch about, rather than having so many weekends, regularly, not knowing what to do.....2 language courses don't do me any good for God's sakes.

so yesterday I went to this world student day and well, that'd be my Alpha and Omega for such a thing....I'm just tryin' to be honest and yeah, it wasn't really my thing, I was just not into it....praying for countries I haven't even been to, for people I don't even know; I just don't buy it. Some of them may indeed live a happier life than this pathetic one I've been drowning in. Even worse most of the speaker turned out to be....singaporeans....oh yeah how great!! With all those singlish accents I've been trying to avoid from hearing for more than a year, it really felt like going back to my 2nd or 3rd year of uni life when I had to listen to those super silly and disgusting words and accents from lecturers as well as classmates (I don't consider them as "friends", btw), before I finally decided not to have any unnecessary contact with those people anymore

anw...this lady I've been working with is soon gonna deliver her baby....oh please do it asap....I just need a break....and I guess she does too....it'll prolly be gr8 for both of us if she just takes a longer leave....

My stay in SG [part 6 - the scholarship's aftermath (cont'd)]

Alright, here is the 6th part of my soon-to-end long story (honestly, I even start to think that this may be its penultimate episode). For some of my friends who kept reminding me that the story hasn't yet reached its closure, I'm sorry guys. I just couldn't manage to wrap this one up last week (and the week before) immediately after the 5th part. I was kinda busy for the past 8-10 days, going through my probably-applying-to grad schools list for the...well, I don't even know how many times I've done it...God knows.
Oh btw, I decided to remove the previous post (the intermezo thingy) as I had been told, like four times in a row, that it may just be a hoax. I actually got it from this guy who has been a trustworthy source (so far), but apparently even Ega makes mistakes...oops... So, due to my lacking time, I didn't bother to re-check if that was really a nonsense and yeah, "just delete it" seemed like the best option. Sorry ga, I accidentally typed your name. But who knows if some random Hollywood producers happen to visit my blog and be interested in you lol.
Well well, I'd better start now before this post keeps getting longer and longer having nothing to do with the story itself. So, where was I? Yeah, my request for the original deed (still, if there was any).

May 2008, nearly 3 months from the very beginning of the case and I hadn't received any satisfactory email or notification from the "sponsor" regarding the existence of the deed. Well, I did get an email from NUS RO telling me that I didn't have to worry (what?!? I didn't have to worry?! These people must be nuts!! What did they expect me to do? Get laid??), that the deed was not gone, that the company just needed more time to return it to me (may I know why, dear fuckin' people??). Come on, did they seriously think I'm that stupid to realize that there was something wrong? Of course, I kept giving them the same answer too, that no matter what, I had the legal right to get 1 of the 2 copies of the original deed and that just an email wouldn't do me any good. I guess they just didn't have any idea whom they are dealing with. It's me and yeah, I can be way more stubborn than they could possibly imagine. Indeed, it's not about being stubborn or patient in this case; it's about being smart or being lied. More than anything, I never let people ruin my plan. If it happens, they're surely going down with me.

Few weeks passed, and at that stage even the people at the RO seemed to be giving up. I don't know if they had indeed been involved in all the lies during those 3 months, but apparently they then realized that it was about time to reveal the truth, admitting to me that the deed might be gone (or had been burnt in hell, maybe). They told me, however, that the company wouldn't in any case admit that they had lost the deed. So this one had not given up yet (what a headstrong!!) BUT neither had I. The NUS RO then suggested that I could just go on with my plan going to the States to pursue my graduate degree and safely assume that the deed was gone. Safely assume?!? Hell no. What if I followed their moron suggestion, preparing everything for going, applying for visa, buying the airline ticket and all of a sudden those bastards showed up on the day of my flight telling me that everything had to be canceled? "Can you guarantee that such a scenario won't happen?", I asked. Instead of giving me a yes/no answer, they came up with what they thought might be a good solution for me, telling me that, in the case that the company could finally locate the deed and used it as a reason to stop me from going, NUS'd work it out with the "sponsor" telling that I should be given time to finish my post-grad degree before serving my bond. For God's sakes, why didn't they just do it from the very first time? It was, unfortunately, too late. My concern was no longer on pursuing my post-grad study, yet on having a clear closure for the case. So, of course, I turned it down, not to mention the fact that my offer was no longer valid by then.

I realized how important it was to get the original deed as soon as possible, or to get a formal notification that it was gone. If the deed was really gone, they had to legally admit that the agreement was no longer valid. Think about it!! That scholarship clearly didn't worth my life. By no means did I want to be in such an obscure position for my entire life, not knowing if I still had any obligations to the "sponsor". I couldn't just play around assuming that it had been lost and spend the rest of my life in such an uncertainty. What if, say, 20 years from then, when I have settled down with my life, the "sponsor" comes to me telling that they found the deed from 2 decades ago that I have to come back to sg?

So, with all those that happened, I was no longer the only one against them. My family had definitely put much concern on this and by noticing how all those bitches and sons-of-bitches worked, we had no choice but to tell them that we wanted to break the bond immediately. This seemed like the best thing we could do, because in order for both of us (me & the "sponsor") to have a definite closure on the case, the latter had no choice but to show us the original deed or to admit that it had been lost. The signed agreement letter was clearly needed for us to be liable for paying back the Liquidated Damages. Otherwise, without the deed, they'd get nothing, not even a penny.
We also made it clear that, should they keep dragging the case without giving a satisfying answer, we wouldn't hesitate to look for a legal help, to bring the case up to media attention as well as to the court of law. If the "sponsor" didn't want its reputation tainted by this surely-unimportant-for-them case, they'd have to be gentle enough admitting their mistake. This was exactly what I told the RO to convey, and that I urged them to give me the contact details of the company for me to address my legal issue. They had no choice, I guess, or else the legal issue would be wrongly addressed to my loovveeelly university as the third party (note the cynicism). So, submitting a legal request would hopefully get us to the one behind all those chaoses.

The "sponsor" then asked for a 2-week time to give an answer. Answer?? I didn't even pose any question. Why'd it take them 2 weeks just to give me their address? Was Osama bin Laden hiding with them??
What came after 2 weeks was unimaginable. The sponsor, miraculously, finally agreed to let me go and pursue my post-grad study. Wowwww, wasn't that great? Yes, if my offer was still valid. As I had to provide an answer to the university giving me an offer by a certain date, this "good news" came a lil bit late; I had informed the university that I wouldn't be able to attend the program in Fall 2008. So, I turned down this "kind-hearted" offer from the "sponsor" who apparently had been kind enough letting me go at the end.
If there was any, this counter-offer that I got would only serve as another mean to convince me that the deed had indeed been lost. If not, why would the company change their decision that drastically? From insisting that I may not go to letting me go? Those people behind all the appeal processes must've realized that they could no longer win, that my request was just impossible to entertain. They prolly thought that I'd be exhilarated being allowed to go, forgetting the chore problem that the deed was gone. Well, I ain't that stupid. I told them how it was too late and how I had firmly decided to break the bond so as not to have any affiliation to such an irreverent party.

Being informed that I'd still want to break the bond and get a proper closure on the agreement, be it with or without getting any legal consult involved, the NUS RO told me that the "sponsor" needed another 2wk time to prepare everything. Now you see how all the processes almost drove me crazy, it took me more than 3 months just to keep waiting without going anywhere. I was running out of patience and thx to this case, I no longer disliked sg-I officially hate it. I just couldn't wait any longer and told the RO that it'd be the very last time I would ever want to wait. If those 2 weeks still got me nowhere, I'd no longer give them any more time. They wouldn't have to bother contacting me again as I'd stick to my plan and let a legal consult do everything for me.

(to be continued...)

My stay in SG [part 5 - the scholarship's aftermath (cont'd)]

Now, can you still spot some other stupidities in the company's argument? Well, how about this one: the reason that they rejected my request was because they had changed the policy, wasn't it? They changed their policy from requiring the scholar to put a security deposit of 10% to 100%. To me this doesn't make any sense at all. How could they just change the policy that drastically. From 10% to 100%? Hell they must be joking. In fact, from the scholarship agreement that I borrowed from 1 of my friend, since I have never even read mine, there wasn't any part stating how their policy might be in considering the scholars' appeal for pursuing a graduate study. So this is how sg defines a scholarship. Well, as far as I'm concerned, a scholarship is usually given without involving any contractual obligation or else it should be called a business deal instead. Even if there should be any contractual obligation, all the procedures of changing the policy must be made clear, don't you think? One of the parties involved in this business deal can't just change the policy without letting the other know.
So, motivated by this thought of mine, which I believe some people may be arguable to, I asked the NUS reg off to send the "sponsor" (my business partner indeed) to issue me a formal letter with its own letterhead stating when exactly the policy was changed, which clearly must be within June 2007-January 2008, referring back to my senior's case where the old policy still applied. And as I prolly have mentioned earlier, I had actually been having no contact with the "sponsor" whatsoever. I didn't even get any of the company's email to NUS reg off forwarded, let alone to get the direct contact number of the person in charge of all these stupid scholarship things. The staffs in NUS reg off only told me that all requests pertaining to my appeal must be made through them, and all answers from the company would as well be communicated to me from them. WTF?!?!? Who the hell do they think they are? The scholarship agreement, again if any, was initially made between me & the company, and in this regard the reg off has no right at all to go into the case. That was really one fuckin' experience anyone would never want to have. It was so complicated doing all things via a third-party when the "second-party" itself remained silent and unknown.
Oh btw, as I had expected, none of my request was entertained, like always. Even until today, there hasn't been such a formal letter from the company with its own letterhead stating anything regarding the policy change. Now I really doubt if this company does exist.

Now I'm about to end this part here and for those of you who are still wondering how this stupid unimportant scholarship thingy finally ended, please wait for the 6th part which will come real soon, prolly after weekend (yeah, I value my weekend seriously).
But as a closure, let me tell you something. At that time when I was still busy submitting my appeal, I even still had the email from this person called AO previously mentioned in the 3rd part of this story, which stated that I'd only be required to pay 10% of the LD. So I printed it out, brought it with me when I went to the NUS reg off to ask them how things could become totally different. I insisted of meeting this AO with the email prepared. I waited there asking someone to tell her that I was waiting. 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes....I was still waiting. Then came another staff of the reg off. This time I told this guy how I had been waiting for 30 minutes, and that I'd really appreciate if I could meet her asap. He went in, but the one that came out to meet me turned out....someone else. What the heck was going on??? Had this AO been dead?? This other staff then told me that AO was very busy for the day, working on some financial aid thingy that were supposed to be finished on that day. "Oh what a coincidence," I replied, "so she can't even meet me for a minute?". Of course, the answer was a no.
Weeks later, this AO called me on my cell, telling me how the appeal process had been and she then said, "But you did receive the scholarship from them. Now can you with your conscience say that you didn't?". It didn't have to take me more than a second to reply, "Oh, speaking about moral and conscience, what do you think I should call someone who kept her guest waiting for more than 30 minutes without meeting him at the end? Don't you think that such a person is..well...morally challenged?". There you go, 1 for each of us.

N.B.: Now that I've analyzed all flaws in the company's argument, I'm sure that I'd get a 6 should this come up as a question in the Argument Essay part of the GRE General Test.

My stay in SG [part 4 - the scholarship's aftermath (cont'd)]

Now, continuing my previous post, what's so weird about the scholarship? Let me just start from here: all those 4 years from 2004 to 2008, I had thought that I was supposed to get 1 of the 2 copies of the original scholarship agreement, be it signed or not. I realized that I had not actually been given any one of those, but I didn't care about it at all. Maybe it's just the way they do things, so I thought, trying to be positive thinking that I'd definitely get one prior to graduation. Only after I encountered the previously mentioned problem with the sponsor regarding my request for defering the bond did I realize that I was the only one who had not received any formal document from the sponsor, if there was really any sponsor. There were 3 of us who got the same scholarship 4 years ago (again, if there was really any scholarship), and the other 2 had gotten their documents since we were in sophomore year. So, what makes me so special that my case is different, that they'd do anything (including hiding the documents) to stop me from going? Woww...am I indeed the Superman that they'd need me to work for them directly after graduation before it's too late when Lex Luthor comes with tons of cryptonites? Maybe I should really try to fly after this, and if I was really Superman, I'd fly directly to....Vegas??? Well if Superman does read this, sorry dude, I know you don't gamble.

Well, back to reality. At that time I guess it was already too late for me to settle everything like visa, etc. to go to the States. So I just knew that I couldn't attend the graduate program in Fall 2008, and my concern was then switched to getting the documents, to prove if I really got any single penny from the "sponsor". After all, mathematicians need proofs, we even prove that 1 is greater than 0. The NUS Registrar Office, with whom I had been having contact with, kept giving me some absurd reasons why the company had not entertained my request regarding the scholarship agreement documents. They told me that the sponsor was interested in looking at those documents and that they were using them to consider my appeal. How lame, it didn't sound like a good reason to me at all.
[Lesson learnt: apparently Singaporeans not only have to learn about good customer service, they also have to learn how to lie in a smart way]

So I told them to tell the sponsor (gosh this is so frustrating that I have to always write me-NUS-sponsor and sponsor-NUS-me, but this is exactly how it all worked; I'll explain this in the 5th part), that they were not the only one interested in looking at the documents; I was too, like freakingly. In fact, since they had 2 copies of the documents, why'd they need all 2 to consider my appeal? Couldn't they just use 1 and make a million copies out of it if there were really a million people involved in considering the appeal? And btw, don't you think there's something really flaw in their argument? Let me put it this way: they came up with this reason saying that they were using the documents to consider my appeal, but at the same time, the scholarship documents that had been held was only mine, with me being the only scholar who wanted the pursue a graduate degree outside sg. What a coincidence! Do you get what I mean? So apparently "my sponsor" had this sort of psychic power. Back to 2004, they must've already known that 4 years later, in 2008, this scholar Sie Haskell would submit an appeal for pursuing his postgrad study overseas, and that the other 2 scholars wouldn't. So they intendedly held my document to use it in 2008 to consider the appeal. Wowww....now shouldn't I be proud? I apparently had been sponsored by a company with such a great power of predicting the future. Even statisticians can't predict such a thing. Where does this company come from? Is it from out there, say Mars? Some kind of aliens or UFOs turn out to be generous enough sponsoring an ordinary Indonesian student to pursue an expensive Science course in NUS, the supposedly-ranked- number-29-in-the-world university. Now I should really contact them again asking for help to predict when on earth I can leave this god damn island.

Btw, I just remembered that there's also this moron reason they came up with weeks after my 1st appeal was rejected. They told me that my appeal had been rejected because I was about to pursue a PhD program which'd take 4-5 years, significantly longer than a Master program which'd take only less than 2 years to complete. Make sense? Maybe, if they hadn't previously sent me an email which explained that scholars may be allowed to defer the bond for pursuing either a Master program (for a maximum period of 2 years deferring the bond) or a PhD program (for a maximum of 5 years in deferring the bond). Now let me ask you a question. What's the point of them listing a PhD program as one of the options if a Master program'd be the only one given real consideration in the end? In mathematics, I guess this is what we call proving by contradiction. I even tried to convinced them that they could hold my degree scroll as a guarantee that I'd come back to sg to serve my bond after I get my post-grad degree, because I wouldn't be able to find any job in the world without that letter anyway. Even this proposal was rejected as well. Oh yeah, I kinda forget...I'm Superman remember? They need me to save the world asap, people can't wait for 5 years for Superman to start doing things.

(to be continued....now this really sounds like a Superman movie)

My stay in SG [part 3 - the scholarship's aftermath]

So, that was November 2006, my 5th semester in NUS, when I first had this thought of pursuing a Master degree outside sg, albeit not knowing where to apply. So I sent the NUS Registrar Office an email, telling this person (to be called AO from now on) that I might want to defer my bond for a postgraduate study and thus asking how the procedure would be. She then replied my email explaining that I'd be required to either provide 2 SPRs who are willing to sign a supplemental agreement or to put a security deposit in a bank of 10% of the total amount of the scholarship, which'd be around 7k SGD. Either procedure was meant as a guarantee that I'd come back to sg to serve my bond immediately after being conferred the master degree from overseas. So, that was a bit of a consolation to me, knowing that there's still a chance to do my master anywhere in the world but sg.

Time passed by and I was then in my final year when I heard that one of my senior, who was also under the same scholarship with me, had started his graduate program in one of the universities in the United States. I tried to ask him the formal procedure for deferring the bond, and what he had gone through was exactly the same with what I had been safely assuming, according to the email I previously mentioned.


Not knowing if I was good enough to get an offer from any university in the US, I decided to give it a try. I sent 3 applications to 3 different universities following the grueling month (note the singular form) of GRE and TOEFL preparation. Weeks later, I learnt that 1 of my application was successful, and the offer I got was indeed from the university I had been dreaming of. Wow....wasn't that great? Yeah, but this 'dream' was soon to be ruined into pieces.
After confirming that I got everything I need for the entire duration of the graduate program, I sent this (what I thought as) good news per email to the same person I had contact with, Ms. AO. I told her that I had gotten an offer of admission, together with a teaching assistantship which'd cover all my expenses as well as the tuition fees. I can still remember where I was at that time; I was at the Statistics Lab (S16 Level 5) doing my FYP presentation slides (or slacking, maybe). I was about to go home when I checked my email and...there you go, 1 reply from the Reg. Off. I couldn't believe what I read, but this is how it sounded (based on the true excerpt):
Dear Sie Haskell
Please send in an appeal email to us stating your reason for choosing to do the PhD Program overseas instead of locally by Friday 22 February 2008.
Please also note that there is a change in the policy for deferment of overseas postgraduate study. Under the new policy, if your appeal is successful, you will be allowed to defer your bond by putting a security deposit with us in the form of a Banker's Guarantee. The security deposit will be 100% of your liquidated damages. Scholars who have not completed the Tuition Grant bond are required to seek the Tuition Grant Unit's approval to defer their TG bond as well.
Please do not hesitate to contact us if you need further clarifications.
Thank you.


Surprise surprise...yeah, it was so surprising that it nearly killed me. I didn't know what to say, what to do or what to reply, so I just went back to PGP, called my KTB off, and tried to fix my mood writing a reply. Luckily I was still kind enough using "thank you" instead of "fuck you" at the end of the email.
Despondently, I sent an email which I haven't stop regretting to date. As expected, it didn't do any good. The next reply I got was only to tell me that they'd submit an appeal on my behalf to the company (or maybe to themselves) regarding my request of paying only 10% of the LD. Btw, in case you haven't realized it, 100% of the LD amounts up to around 75k SGD or about 500 million Rupiah. Fuck it. And fuck the other LD as well....which LD? Yeah, aside from this 75k thingy I still have another obligation which'd cost me 87k SGD to break. How awesome.


Ok, now that I was only one more step from being unnecessarily stranded to work in sg when I wasn't ready, I had no choice but to contact the university offering me a graduate admission. I had to tell them that, unfortunately, I might need to reject the offer for the time being due to this horrible scenario I had not anticipated. That was the worst choice I'd ever make, and the feeling was bad...really bad. Knowing that I had gotten everything, from admission offer to scholarship, but ended up not being able to go was such a nightmare. Ok, I'm not trying to be so religious or anything, but I did keep asking God why it happened. Why would He give me all I'd need yet at the same time let me have such a huge problem? Wouldn't it be better if I just got rejected from all 3 univs? But well, soon enough I realized that we human are incapable in many aspects of our lives. No matter how well we have everything planned, God rules. None of our plan will come to reality if He says no. This, at least, taught me not to rely fully on myself.


Enough being so spiritual. Now comes the evil part. I did mention that I'm not trying to be so religious, didn't I? Hell yeah, I'm by no means being religious. When it comes to forgiveness, I just don't buy it. The fact that those people are the ones ruining my plan is more than enough for me to hate this island and its people more completely. Indeed, I did have the right to question all those that happened because the way my appeal was processed was just wrong. *well, I do think that this deserves its own part. So, let me just finish it here and continue on the next one*

My stay in SG [part 2-some random scenes: customer service]

This part is dedicated to all the people who have contributed positively to my hatred towards sg.

1st scene (a random day in 2006 or 2007, NUS Business School Library): So I was there copying notes when I realized that my cash-card was running out of credit. As I didn't usually top up my cash card other than using the ATM, I had no idea that there was such a top up machine in the library, let alone to understand how it worked. Not knowing what to do with the god damn machine, I expected this indian lady (soon-to-be slut) to help me. I still can't believe what she said: "You can't operate this machine and you call yourself a uni student?" (of course in the singlish version). Oh fuck you bitch, do you think all foreigners need to know how all the stupid machines in this island work? You gotta be freakin' horny....oops, I mean, you gotta be kiddin' me.

2nd scene (few months ago, Shaw Lido Theatre): It was my treat for my friend, so I was the one queuing for the ticket. After paying the $$, I was supposed to get a 1$ change. I did get 1 $, in ten 10cent coins.

me: "Can I just get a 1$ coin instead?"
made-in-sg whore: "Those are 1$"
me: "Oh come on, don't be such a jerk. I know exactly that
these add up to 1$"

Sounds like a usual conversation? Hmm, maybe...but if you were there with me hearing the entire conversation, you'd know exactly why this yet-another singaporean deserved to be titled a whore.

made-in-sg whore: "next time you come, you just pay me the
exact amount"
me: "yeah?you think? well you know what bitch, you singaporeans
really have to learn a lot about customer service"
(leaving, convinced enough that she was on her way...to hell)

3rd scene (couple weeks ago, SimLim square). To appreciate what really happened, I have to tell you -in case you're not familiar enough with sg, sth. you should thank God for- that this SimLim square is quite similar to Jakarta's Glodok or US' Chinatown where they usually set a higher price for all the goods, and where bargaining skill does matter. That day, I was looking for an iPod case. I initially managed to bargain from 29$ to 18$, but since it was a silicon case, I decided to take another look at other stores. After a few minutes of walk, I learnt that I should never come back to this brothel.

me: "how much is this?"
old man: "22"
...
me: "is this the best price I can get?"
old man: "22 is already cheap what...you want cheaper you go
to pasar malam" (Disclaimer: this is HIS singlish)
me: "fuck you old man" (leaving, full of wrath I didn't even
bother to buy what I was looking for)

There are still millions of similar scenes, and I'm afraid this part would take days to write if I were to list them down one by one. So, I think we should just wrap it up here, and be ready for the next part, the one that convinced me a billion percent not to stay any longer in sg. It's the fuckin' experience -pardon my French- I went through few months ago after almost 4 years disliking sg.

My stay in SG [part 1-background]

Ok, I've been thinking to write this on my blog since ages. Just a gentle reminder, this story may be rather long, long, very long, or too long for some people. So please bear with it, even if it should end up being a trilogy.


Back to the year 2004 when I was still in what we call "kelas 3 SMA" (IPA, of course), I was busy thinking of which degree to pursue for my undergraduate study. Some good friends of mine would definitely recall that I had always changed my mind. From medicine to pharmacy to chemical engineering, mathematics, biology, English language -well, you name it-, I still couldn't make up my mind on which one to choose. Indeed, I wasn't even sure which university I should send an application to. There were like 4 of us who joined this intensive program called BTA at SMUN8 Jkt, thinking that it might be useful if we finally decided to give the SPMB a shot. Apart from this give-SPMB-a-shot thingy, I was also so much into the then much anticipated Singapore scholarship program offered by either NTU or NUS.


To keep this introduction short, my application to both of the aforementioned universities turned out successful. The first offer I got was actually from UPH aka Univ. Pelita Harapan for pursuing a Bachelor degree in Food Science (gosh...me? a food scientist? I must've been crazy even to think about it). Anyway, not long after that I got another offer from NTU for a course in Chemical & Biomolecular Engineering, with a full scholarship offer which would pay all the tuition fees and a yearly stipend of 4,300 SGD. Once I got this offer, the offer from UPH was history. But this wasn't actually my goal. Thanks to all my high school physics teachers, none of whom taught Physics sensibly, I was way more willing to pursue a Science course in NUS than an Engineering one. So I was still there waiting (and hoping) that I'd get an offer from NUS. I finally did, and here comes my biggest mistake ever which I'd regret for the following 4 years.


During the NUS scholarship interview, I was asked if I'd prefer getting the ASEAN scholarship (like the one offered by NTU) or the Sembawang-ST scholarship. The latter would pay all tuition fees just like the former, but with a slightly higher stipend of 6,000 SGD p.a. Gosh I was naive, totally. My mom had actually repeatedly asked me if I'd really prefer the latter as it comes with a longer bond period of 6 years while the former would only require me to serve a 3-year bond in sg. Everytime she asked me this question, I kept telling her that a 6-year bond wouldn't be a problem. Why would it anyway? I didn't know if there was like an evil on my mind or what, but I was such a moron. Never had I thought that the 6-year bond, altogether with the 4-year undergrad would mean 10 years of my life, after which I'd already be 28. Damn long, huh?!? Again, I was naive when making my decision, as any other high school students would probably do I guess. Firmly, I told the interviewers that I'd prefer the Sembawang-ST scholarship, which they agreed. Happy? Sure I was, not knowing that the god damn scholarship would be a huge nightmare in 4 years time.


July 19, 2004 was the first day I came to sg on this supposedly-at-least-10-years pilgrim. First impression: BAD! Gosh, this city looked like a LEGO-built town, if you know what I mean. On the way from Changi airport to Kent Ridge Hall, all I could see were buildings that looked exactly like each other, no fancy structure whatsoever. My impression wouldn't get worse if I didn't have to go to ICA (sg's immigration) few days after my arrival. So I was there queuing for the Student Pass, standing right after my friend Adrian. Then came this lovely scene: he was asking this lady bitch a question (God knows what) prior to receiving a very unfriendly reply in a completely whore-like manner. Me, being next on the line, was completely disgusted. "Gosh, is this how Singaporeans treat foreigners? What an uncivilized society", so I thought. Wait a sec guys, don't start telling me that this might only be a cultural shock. I know it was, but this is exactly the problem. I'm so not going to enjoy my stay in a country with such a culture.


Things after things, events after events, I started to dislike sg, which finally turned to a hatred due to this irreverent behavior of some of its people, which I would explain in detail in the coming 2nd part.

me-a chip off the old block?

So, it's been like forever since the last time I posted on this blog. Let me see, that was like...almost a month ago? Well time flies in this regard, but if we were to talk about how time actually passes by with me being (still) stranded in sg, surrounded by those singlish speaking people most of whom behave like animals, I'd have to say that time doesn't fly. It danders....like there was only 1 spot on earth. Anyway, tomorrow will mark the 19th week I've been drowning on all these shits, which translates to 1/3 of the total number of weeks I planned to spend in this...island?jail?hell?
Well this week has actually been quite free for me. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm usually not free having so much work to do at the office. As a matter of fact, I spend most of my time in the office working so hard doing nothing (gosh I really love this phrase). But in the past couple months I was usually busy on weekdays working on my German homeworks, vocabs, grammar and all those kind of things. I guess it was last week and the week before that I just worked so hard trying to finish all 2 chapters from my German textbooks which were meant for the entire B.2.5 sub-level, and yeah, I finished them all, leaving me with nothing else to do for this week.

Ok, for those of you who have been wondering of what a chip off the old block has to do with today's post, this is what I mean: I've been thinking (yeah, I know, I always think, sometimes even about absurd things)...that I'm becoming like my father. Arghh or yayyy? I have no idea. I don't know if this is sth I should be proud of or worry about=p. I've noticed some situations in which I started to do things the way he does. What kind of thing, I'd rather keep it for myself. But yeah, afterall we are all created from our parents' flesh and blood, and we will definitely get a bit of their taste haha. I just hope that I won't ever get that smoking-feels-good thing as well.

Oh btw, I finally bought this new iPod nano 4th gen. Thanks to my friend Emmi for being kind enough ordering it for me. After waiting for like 2 months, the wait pays off. It's my most fave gadget right now haha, and it's been really useful, like literally. I managed to listen to all of my then-still-untouched mp3 collections which have been in my laptop for months after being downloaded. And what's best is that I don't have to listen to the music with only 1 ear as I used to do for the past couple months following the death of half of my nokia n70's earphone. Hmm, wait a sec...did I just say "best"? Sorry that wasn't actually the best part. The best part is that I can listen to hundreds of musics on the way to..basically everywhere, and by doing this I'm saved from having to listen to all those singaporeans out there when they talk singlishly to each other either on the bus or at the subway.
Now, to give a probably-not-too late advise for my movie goers friends, here it comes: my movie reviews. Which one should I start with? I've watched 4 other movies after those 2 last time. Mamma Mia the Movie, My Best Friend's Girl, The House Bunny, and Vicky Cristina Barcelona. All of them were great, but special credit goes to Mamma Mia the Movie. I really loved this one, and it's still in position 2 on my fave-movie-list of the year (no.1 is still Sex&the City, btw). Aside from those, I don't think there's still any other movies to watch this week. The long awaited High School Musical 3 will be released only on Oct 23. The release dates for the other 2 anticipated movies Marley&Me and He's Just Not That Into You haven't even been announced yet.

Well well I guess this has been way too long than expected. So I'll just wrap it up here and I guess I'll soon have another post, prolly early next week, as I'll be going out on a proper photo hunt session this weekend, assuming it's not called off. So if that really turns out great, I'll keep it "festgehaltet" on the next post. Adios and tschüss!

closure of the week

Sept 12, 2008: it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post and exactly 15 weeks since I started the job, and yeah, I still don't feel like staying more than 13 months in this company. Again and again, I started to think if this is what statisticians around the world may end up doing with only a Bachelor or a Master degree. Suddenly doing a PhD doesn't sound like an option to me anymore, it's a must, for my own sakes. During our last conversation over the phone, my mom asked me if I really get any valuable experience from this job. Sadly, I don't, I really don't. Anyway, "sadly" may not be the best way to express what I actually feel about it; I don't give it a shit, I don't even care if I should actually be getting any experience from this shitty job. What I do care about is: getting the money, reducing the god damn 87k LD and, at the same time, using this whole year to further learn german & spanish before I start my grad degree this time next year. As a matter of fact, the only experience I get from this job -besides experiencing paydays, of course- is to answer this kind of question: "How would you plan to spend time if you were to work so hard doing nothing?". I have to admit that I haven't actually found a good answer for this. All these weeks what I've been doing is simply spending time counting it down, from 10 am to 12 pm, from 1.30 pm to 7pm, which really SUCKS.


Anyway, I'd love to stop complaining but I just remember that there is this very irksome thing I have to bitch about here on my blog or else I may end up spitting on someone's face just to alleviate my anger. So, I left home at 8.40 this morning, thinking that it was good enough to catch the 8.50 bus. Gosh that was wrong. The god damn 188 bus had just passed right in front of my face. I wouldn't be that pissed off if the bus was full of people. Hell no, it was fuckin' empty. I did try to stay calm, telling myself that the 183 would come soon. It did come, it really did, with so many people it didn't even stop. Then came bus after bus, and after 6 or 7 buses I started to feel like going straight back home......arghhhh.....that was like 9.20, and I was still at the bus stop??? god damn it....I was thinking of taking a cab, but...shit, why would I? I'm not gonna spend 8-10 bucks taking a cab just to arrive on time. That wasn't my fault anyway; it was the god damn buses' faults, wasn't it? I ended up joining Ardi taking the bus 52 to Clementi to take 183 from there. Well guess what, 183 just left the time we alighted bus 52. So, to keep the story short, I reached NUS at 10 am (oh well, I could still say "good morning" to people, at least), just moments before it started to rain, very heavily. One of those days, huh??? One of those fuckin' days.


Well, back to my current not-so-well being. These few days I've been very voracious, spending way too much money for food. It's not that I don't know what's wrong, but to get over this problem seems not as easy as I thought it'd be. One good way I can think of right now is...buffet. Again? It hasn't even been a month since my last dimsum buffet, but I guess I really need one right now. Be it next week or the week after, I'm going to do it soon, just to reduce my severely huge appetite. So, should you be interested, just drop me a msg by next week. It's gonna be either sakae sushi or seoul garden this time.


As for my movie reviews, I watched 2 movies last Monday: Make It Happen & My Sassy Girl. The first one, unexpectedly, turned out gr8. It was a good movie and I like the plot way better than the corny My Sassy Girl. I don't know if it was just the Hollywood's version, but if the Korean version was as lame as the remake, I'd consider both total failures. Left on my gotta-watch list for this month are All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Mamma Mia the Movie, Closing the Ring, My Bestfriend's Girl and Vicky Christina Barcelona.

Hmm...you know what, I guess I have to stop here for now. It's 6.07 pm and I wanna get off soon. So enjoy your weekend guys, but remember, Monday is only 3 days away =p

I wanted to break free, and I did

So today turned out great as it had been planned to be. I spent the morning playing badminton with my housemates, and I guess the last time I played it was like years ago....yeah it's really been ages since the last time I did some exercises, besides the NUS ISCF "Sehat Bersama" thing last week which turned out to be a rather "Nonton Bersama" event in the end.


After a grueling morning, I finally managed to enjoy the Yum Cha dimsum buffet which has been on my mind since months ago. You know, sometimes people are just way too hard to be asked to go out having buffet, but yeah Tricia & I are probably not among them=p. The buffet was ok. I mean it was just ok, the last time I had it with some other friends the food tasted better I guess, or maybe it's because I already had quite a lot of food this morning, including the durian mooncake which I knew shouldn't have been consumed prior to any kind of buffet. But again it wasn't disappointing, we had a lot of great meals, both steamed and fried, and yeah, the dessert was definitely tasty. I always love their mango pudding, which tastes really good, not to mention the very soft texture of the pudding.


Anyway, my Stress-Erholung didn't just stop there (of course it didn't!!). So I and another friend of mine went to see this movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Gosh that was one hell of a movie, it was really really great. We enjoyed it very, very much, and the good part is: we were not the only ones enjoying the show. The whole cinema was enjoying the movie, we laughed together like many, many times. I personally love the scene where Sarah Marshall and Peter were making love together in 2 different rooms, next to each other, the most. There was really something going on, wasn't there? Yeah, such a movie should definitely end with a happy ending, as I expected and demanded=p. So, for those of you who haven't been lucky enough getting a chance to watch it, it's highly recommended guys! It's a must for those of you who in particular enjoy such a drama show with sexual comedy kinda thing.


Anyway, I gotta go sleep, it's 12.52 AM right now and guess what, tomorrow is Thursday, which usually means nothing to me except for the fact that I have to be back at work (again...yeah, again!!!). So, this is it for now.....43 weeks and 2 days to go.....

My relationship with Statistics: a one night stand?

There are times when I feel like giving up, when even a complete assurance that I'll soon be able to leave sg and forget that such a place had ever been part of my life doesn't do much. Today was such a day. Gosh, I really don't have any idea why I have to go through all these. I've been drowning in this super wearisome, pathetic, mundane, crappy, and corny job for almost 3 months, but those 3 months really feel like ages. This week, in particular, has been extremely long for me. I have been trying to be positive, like constantly, telling myself that another 48 weeks won't be that long, that soon enough I won't have to come to sg ever again. But yeah, no such things works for me.


Indeed, I started to have this very important question regarding what I should do for a living in the future. A job like this, like what I've been doing, is definitely a big NO. I'm so not going to be in such a position for the rest of my life. Let us put aside the possibility of me becoming a renowned researcher or university professor, since I'm not even sure if I could really cope with the esoteric real analysis & probability theory in pursuing a PhD. A Master degree in Statistics, on the other hand, would only serve as a mean to get me to a similar sickening scenario, working in an office, being told of what people want me to do, being demanded to finish my work within a very unreasonable deadline.


I'd prolly have to make a huge decision pursuing a graduate degree in another field. The big question is again, what is it that I really want? Languages, yeah I love learning languages. But as far as I'm concerned, I'm only interested in learning new languages superficially, for the sake of being able to communicate with people from different countries, of traveling without needing a tour guide. Sounds cheesy, huh? I can't imagine myself studying literature, working on essays, analyzing phonetics and language acquisitions, etc.
Well then I guess I really have to find out what is best for me, which remains unknown to date. 48 weeks to go, and I hope I'll have gotten the answer by then.

congratulations?!?! you jackass

duh bete bete bete, as usual....td pagi gw untuk kesekian kaliny memulai aktifitas dgn keBTan. Bayangin aje, bgtu gw nyebrang jln, dgn suksesnya 1 bus 188 yg msh kosong lewat dpn muka gw. Trus gw pikir ok lah,abis ini naek 183 aje....tp sial seribu sial, 2 bus 183 yg dtg following the 188 penuh total,ga even brenti....sialan d tu 2 bus emg laknat abis, ga pernah ga penuh.....malesin banget ga seh,gw mo brgkt spagi apapun akhirny ttp nyampe kantor jem9.30....malah ampe NUS jg msh mesti nunggu bus C atau A2 lage....dan kesialan bnr2 numpuk krn si A2 jg sukses ninggalin gw.....arghhhhhh....
sampe di science tentuny gw makin kesel krn tu kantor sial seribu sial letaknya ad di atas gunung, which means gw mesti nanjak lagi.....gimana ga kurus nih badan tiap ari disiksa physically & mentally....kurus + darah tinggi deh gw
anyway, jem3 siang td gw akhirny ke ICA yg ga kalah sialannya....gw gatw org2 dsana tuh goblok tolol idiot apa kegatelan ngerjain orang laen,jelas2 tu PR prosesny konon 3-6 bln.....dan employment pass yg dikasih cuma valid 3 bulan....which means gw kudu bolak balik ngadepin tante2 girang yg super judez disana....sampe hari ini aj ud keitung 3kali gw dtg ksono....
(ganti inggris deh...malu gw indo gw dah ga berbentuk gini,ga jelas mesti taroh koma titik dimane)
and here comes the worst part: so I was waiting there for the EP, sitting nicely having a conversation with Liu Yang who was very unhappy waiting there since 10 am in the morning. We were talking abt how boring my job is, how pathetic it is to be held for even another year in sg, how all jobs statisticians may end up getting are similar and insipid, and so on, when suddenly one of the happy aunty (tante girang.red) called my name, looking if there was someone else called Haskell. The moment I told her that I was the one she had been looking for, she suddenly had this very funny expression and -well, I still can't believe this- she said, "Are you Haskell? Congratulations" *wink wink*. I, hypocritically, said, "Thanks, but may I know what this is regarding?". *tada...jeger lalala* "We are happy to tell you that your PR application has been approved", she replied, still with that funny face. She was prolly expecting me to behave the same way, showing such a stupid fake happiness, full of euphoria. I, on the other hand, being such a huge fan of leave-singapore-asap FC, was of course terrified. I didn't know if I had to feel sorry for her, to laugh, to cry, to smile, to be proud or to puke right at her face. When on earth have I ever expected to be a sg pr?? Had they asked me, I'd be very happy to let them know that it was such a decision Haskell would never ever do, should he not be in such a situation needing a job to "fulfill" the bond and at the same time the only interesting offer (which finally turned out being by no means interesting) he got was from a company requiring all of its employees to be at least a sg pr....haizz...
-I still wanna throw up, btw-
anyway, the good part of today is that I'm home....yayyyy that was like 5.30 pm when I reached home, realizing that even my roommate was not home yet. fyi, he might be the first to reach home everyday, I guess. Yeah, I'm happy to be home early but on the other hand, I have to be at work again tomorrow, which sounds like 14 hours away from now......sigh

49 more weeks

It's finally saturday....I'd love to say "yayyyyy" but unfortunately the time now shows 9.40 pm, which means monday is only like what? 26 hours and 20 minutes away? What a real turn off....darn
Anyway....last week was again super hectic, thanks to the canadian guy I had prolly mentioned in my previous post. This reminds me of what I was doing few days ago, something a statistics graduate should never ever do in his entire life, nie im Leben. Some friends of mine asked me, "Oh come on Kell, what are you up to now?"...Well quite frankly speaking, I was up to a very shitty job, and almost down to hell. I had to manually input like thousands of numbers to MS Word, and for those of you who can't seem to relate what manually means, it simply means by hand, no ctrl C ctrl V whatsoever. Luckily enough, I'm way more capable than they think I probably was....yeah I found out a very fast, efficient way of doing it=p
So much about the shitty job. Today I had my Spanish and German classes again, as usual. The Spanish class is getting more and more exciting. We learnt about genealogy and possessive pronouns. Things were completely ok, at least until now; Spanish is more similar to English in terms of the grammar and everything I guess. The German class, on the other hand, went pretty boring. Little did I know that the class'd run constantly in this kinda style-Goethe sucks. I'm afraid that I may end up losing my passion for German after quite a while. So I think a 2 or 3 months break will be a good idea. Yeah, we'll see...
Another highlight of the week is....set theory(?!?!). Yeah, I finally have to admit that in order for me to pursue my PhD in the future (if I will really do it), I definitely need a good background in mathematics, and NUS undergrad education is really a joke when it comes to mathematics background for its statistics students. So I started to learn (or brooding over to be exact) the infamous set theory, starting from nothing. After few days working on it, I finally managed to understand some basic notions like countable-uncountable and finite-infinite sets. There are still definitely many things I need to do for the coming week, so I guess we'll just wrap it up here for now....

it feels good to be home early

Another boring day in the office has passed, leaving me with 4 more days for this week. Yeah, I'm just 50 weeks away from my ultimate goal ever, or even slightly less than that if I really go to Europe next July.
So today there was a meeting with this Canadian guy who works as a collaborator for whatever research my company might be doing. It felt really good to be in the meeting, not because I understood what they were talking about, but because I had a chance, once in a blue moon, to hear someone talking in real, proper English in the midst of this Singlish-speaking population.
The meeting, however, ended up sucks as I would probably have expected. They had a bunch of ideas of how the huge dataset I've been working on for the past couple months should be utilized even more. So, for the coming few days I'll be busy again doing many analyses (and by "many" I mean "a lot"), which I personally consider a complete nonsense.
Anyway, I purposely decided not to go to the CO5102 lecture today in quest of a better, more proper body-rest. Gosh, it feels really good to be home early today, after taking some time going to Orchard meeting one of my friend to get my Indo movie DVDs (yayyy!! thx to Ato). I actually had this plan to watch Murder of the Inugami Clan tonight as well, since I was already in Orchard, but some Singaporeans out of nowhere just happened to be kiasu enough there was no ticket left for me - not even one.
So here I am right now, blogging with my almost-2-months-old lappie, enjoying the windy night and at the same time trying to gain as much energy as I possibly can to start doing my German homework. The person I'd be very keen on having a chat with has yet to go online, so I guess I'll just wait for her and also for some important replies to the email I sent this afternoon regarding our massive plan on One Month in Europe.
Btw, congratulations to my friend Nancy who has been successful (or lucky=p) enough securing a job at NY stock exchange for herself. Proud of you=)

what a week

Last week was like a hell to me, super hectic and definitely grueling. Gosh, even my usually-not-so-tense work has been a pain in the ass as the boss started to keep asking me to do a bunch of things, which I personally consider really nonsense. Anyway, I finally have to admit that the idea of being a full-time worker & part-time student just doesn't work for me afterall. I have to give up one of them, and since I'm still practically bonded to get ~50k by July next year, this would mean giving up my "part-time-studentship". A tough decision Haskell wouldn't normally do.
I did try to manage my time working in the morning till late afternoon and attending some graduate classes in the evening to keep my stats skills on. Yet I ended up being super tired, half-dead for the whole day, not functioning in any single thing I was doing. I left house at 8.30am in the morning and came back at around 10 pm just to have a 1-hour chat with friends, check my emails without even thinking of replying any of them and appreciate that the day itself was almost over - I had to go sleep and face all the same mundane routines the following day. What the fuck....that's definitely not the way I wanna define how my days are.
so today I'm more convinced that I have to let go this idea of going to graduate classes after work, not even one. I'm gonna use my Saturday for German & Spanish classes, and the Sunday for revision, doing homeworks, etc. Did I miss something or do you really think I still have time to revise any of the stats?
Btw, I got my old lappie sold for 250 bucks. Albeit not good enough to get me a new ipod, let alone an iphone, I'm still gonna get one of those. My cell just doesn't do any good when I'm stressed out, the god damn headset just won't work....
alright, time to get back to work.....Spanish here I come

*happy independence day to my beloved country Indonesia*

hadiah ultah sg

Today I'll start my 9-hour-in-office story with a gag. So this morning I got a reply from my email to OSU, sent almost a year ago...what the.... OK, it's actually not about the email being replied after a year, but what was on the email can prolly be an interesting birthday gift to your (not my) lovely island

Dear Sie Haskell,
...
The OSU rule on the TOEFL is that international applicants who will have a university degree from an institution in an English-speaking country at the time they would start our program at OSU do not need to submit TOEFL scores.

"well ok, that's gr8, I don't have to waste another 17 bucks for sending my toefl score", so I thought. But wait, there's still this baffling part of their email:

Although the classes at the National University of Singapore are taught in English, the language of Singapore is not English, thus the TOEFL scores are required.

"The language of Singapore is not English". Are they kidding me??
It took me just a few seconds to realize that they are indeed making a point....gosh, am I really this stupid? I have indeed repeatedly said it myself, the language of Singapore is not English. Does anyone have a guess what it actually is?? Go figure it out.
So the TOEFL score is required in this case, because some people -like me- just don't like the idea that the highly regarded English will be tainted by some filthy particles like lah,mah,meh,moh,walao....*I'm still laughing, btw*. Well then I guess one of my Singaporean "friend" who insisted that his English is fine was just trying to make a joke. Not a good one, though.

Etwas erzählen, um die Zeit totzuschlagen

Der siebte August 2008 ist fast vorbei, und nach einigen Stunden vom letzten Artikel habe ich jetzt noch nichts zu tun. Die Chefin sitzt eigentlich neben mir, aber es gibt zwischen unseren kleinen Plätze eine kleine Wand, durch die sie kann mich nicht sehen (Gott sei dank).
Jetzt ist es 18 Uhr. Ich warte schon seit 3-4 Stunden darauf, dass ich das Büro verlassen kann, um nach Cineleisure Orchard zu gehen und der neue Film Pathology zu sehen.
Morgen ist endlich Freitag, aber das Wort frei klingelt aber nicht sehr richtig. Jedem Freitag bin ich nicht frei, weil ich im Büro sein muss, habe aber nichts zu tun. Na ja, trotzdem freue ich mich auf jeden Freitag, auf den Spanischkurs und auf die Wochenende, die folgt.
Ich erinnere mich daran, dass es ein bisschen schwer war, Deutsch zu lernen. Die Wortstellung, die als Englisch sehr anders ist, machte mir Sorgen. Nach zwei Jahren habe ich zurzeit weniges Problem mit ihr, aber das Genus der Deutschsprache ist noch ein großes Problem für mich. Jetzt will ich mehr Chancen haben, die Sprache zu üben, damit ich fleißender sein werde.
**Ich muss jetzt gehen, sonst werde ich zu spät ins Kino kommen** tschuss...

51 weeks & 2 days to my freedom

It's been almost a week since my last post and I'm still sitting here not knowing if I have anything interesting enough to write. Anyway, instead of doing nothing this afternoon, like I usually do in any other afternoons *note the plural form*, I'll just point out some important highlights from last week (like there's any)....
hmm, where do we start? I heard someone saying MRI?? ok, let's start with the MRI....
Exactly 8 days ago, I underwent an MRI for my brain and cervical spine. For those of you who have read my previous posts, I'm sure you know why I ended up doing this pricey test. Aside from being held unnecessarily for 40mins inside that whatever-you-call-it thing, the entire scanning process was ok to me, nothing to be afraid of. Well, the scan turned out fine as neither the radiologist nor the neurologist found anything suspicious based on the MRI report. The doctor then prescribed me another set of medications which I have to religiously take for 2 weeks--1 more week to go. For the first few days, I could feel that the medicines were doing me a great favor; I was recuperating, finally. These past couple days, however, I start to feel funny again every time I sit or walk for quite a while. Gosh, I really don't understand what's wrong with me, but yeah, we'll see if 1 more week is enough for the headache to be completely cured. This time for good, please.
Speaking of 1 more week, I still have 1 + 50 more weeks (= 51 weeks) and couple of days before I can regain my freedom as a human being. Leaving this pathetic island for good has definitely been my dream since 4 years and 20 days ago, counting back to my very first day in sg (July 19,2004). So, before that day comes, I still need to keep myself busy to kill the remaining time. Any idea how I should do this?
....oh wait a sec....I have my own idea...: going back to school, doesn't that sound great?!?!?! Yeah, as any other newly-matriculated students will start their first lesson this coming Monday, so do I....I'm doing 5 graduate modules this semester, unofficially. For God's sakes, I really need to do some REAL stats or I'll end up being like a complete idiot this time next year when I start my PhD. Yeah, I got everything planned and scheduled last night: 5 stats modules and 2 language courses a week for the rest of this year. Here's how my timetable will look like from next week onwards:

Mon 18.00-21.00: CO5102 Principles of Epidemiology
Tue 12.00-14.00: ST5214 Advanced Probability Theory
Wed 19.00-22.00: ST5202 Applied Regression Analysis
Thu 12.00-14.00: ST5214 Advanced Probability Theory
    19.00-22.00: ST5201 Basic Statistical Theory
Fri 19.00-22.00: ST5210 Multivariate Data Analysis
Sat 10.00-12.00: Spanish Beginner 1
    14.30-17.45: German B.2.5

Now I'm really excited., I just didn't know that I love school that much haha...believe me, working sucks. While I could skip any classes I didn't feel like attending, I don't get to skip my job every time I feel like doing it (which basically happens every day). What's more, I've barely had any chance to optimize my brain to its fullest potential. Now you see why I need to get some stats?

Best performance on Indonesian Idol Season 5

she has the look, the voice 'n the attitude...ga tau apa yg salah sama dia sampe harus kluar di minggu ke3...moron voters...or moron "big boss"?

Lyric:
Tertutup sudah pintu, pintu hatiku
Yang pernah dibuka waktu hanya untukmu
Kini kau pergi dari hidupku
Kuharus relakanmu walau aku tak mau

Reff1:
Berjuta warna pelangi di dalam hati
Sejenak luluh bergeming menjauh pergi
Tak ada lagi cahaya suci
Semua nada beranjak aku terdiam sepi

Reff2:
Dengarlah matahariku, suara tangisanku
Kubersedih karna panah cinta menusuk jantungku
Ucapkan matahariku puisi tentang hidupku
Tentangku yang tak mampu menaklukkan waktu

neurologist (first part)

well guys, that headache came to "visit" me again...oh, that's very sweet of them (headache in German is a plural noun, btw)
yeah, as the title speaks for itself, I finally decided to see a neurologist at NUH which costed me almost....damn it, let's just not talk about it...
To make things short and for the sake of what I will be bitching about in the next paragraph, the specialist only did some basic tests to me. He didn't seem to think that there was anything wrong with me, so he only asked me to do an MRI the following day which would cost me a million fortune, as it turned out.

Aside from that, I don't have much to tell from this first appointment with the neurologist, except for this sickening scene at the pharmacy. *now I'm getting excited* So I was there waiting for my neurobion (now I know what's on it...b1 vit. mainly ^^), sitting unexpectedly behind 2 infamous singaporeans talking crap in, of course, singlish. They're so fluent that they'll even win the most-patriotic-singaporean-alive-on-earth trophy I guess *note the cynicism*. The male was not that bad actually, but the female companion was a real turn off. Things got worse when I noticed what she was doing: mpok-atik-ing her face.
Def.: 1. mpok-atik-ing: to emulate, impersonate, trying to be like mpok atik
2. mpok atik: an indonesian actress, around 55 years old, starred in Gerhana, etc.

OK, don't get me wrong, that wasn't intended to say that mpok atik is non-pretty a.k.a ugly, but the singlish version of mpok atik definitely is. Part of their conversation was moronly and accidentally captured on my brain that very afternoon:
F: my friend...wow...parents...rich....go doctor...always expensive
M: really a?
[Note: all the dots in the F part are used not because I forget the complete dialogue. For those of you who don't know what singlish is, that sentence should give you a rough idea how a complete sentence in singlish sounds. Btw, you should be really thankful for not knowing what Singlish is.]

So now, do you have any idea of how that scene ruined my entire queueing process (cf. ST3236 Stochatis Process 1)? I felt really disgusted guys, like really...
Well,I just knew that I had to move to another seat, still waiting for my queue number to be called. Just so you know, I waited for like 30 minutes just to get the neurobion. That's how sick it was.

laporan siang ini

Dengan beberapa pertimbangan, akhirnya hari ini saya memutuskan untuk mengeblog (what the....) dengan menggunakan bahasa Indonesia yang baik dan benar. Disclaimer: Anda tidak akan menemukan singkatan-singkatan dalam bentuk apapun pada postingan kali ini, setidaknya begitulah harapan saya.
Alasan pertama saya memutuskan untuk menulis dengan bahasa Indonesia adalah karena bahasa Indonesia saya sepertinya sudah agak berkarat (emas kali!!) setelah sekian lama tidak dipergunakan di negara berbahasa mayoritas Singlish ini. Alasan kedua adalah demi menjaga privasi blog saya agar manusia2 berbahasa Singlish tadi tidak mengerti isinya.
Tepat pukul 13.11 WSBM (Waktu Singapur Bagian Manapun). Seperti biasa, saya sedang duduk di hadapan komputer tanpa mengerjakan apa-apa. Bosan, seperti halnya yang saya rasakan hampir setiap hari sejak menginjakkan kaki untuk pertama kalinya di kantor ini. Hari ini seharusnya menjadi hari dimana supervisor saya kembali ke mejanya, setelah selama kurang lebih 2 minggu dia "bersenang-senang" keliling Amerika Serikat, alias amrik bagi mereka yang telinganya sudah sedikit merasa asing dengan istilah tersebut.
Demi menjaga kredibilitas saya di mata atasan (nyamuk.red), hari ini saya berusaha untuk datang lebih pagi dari kebiasaan saya selama 2 minggu terakhir yang hampir-hampir tidak pernah datang dibawah jam 9.30. Saya sampai kurang lebih jam 09.20, dan *yes*, saya adalah orang pertama yang ada di kantor pagi tadi. Setelah mendapati kenyataan bahwa atasan saya ternyata belum ada di kantor, perasaan menyesal datang "terlalu pagi" pun muncul di benak saya. Jika dia memang masuk kerja hari ini, tentunya dia sudah akan berada di kantor pada jam-jam demikian. Ya, seperti bisa saya duga begitu melihat kursinya yang masih kosong, dia ternyata sedang cuti hari ini. Demikianlah saya kembali, untuk kesekian kalinya, harus duduk di depan komputer ini selama satu hari tanpa ada sesuatu apapun yang bisa dikerjakan.

(nyerah pake bahasa Indo, this article is getting really weird....anyway inti yg perlu dirahasiain juga cuma sampe disitu....smape ketemu lagi di artikel berikutnya, yg most likely bakalan pake inggris lagi)

I've had enough

"Thx God it's getting better" is the first thing that came across my mind when I woke up this morning. Yeah, after days of pain, heavy sensation, giddiness, and all other stuffs people with headache may experience, I'm finally about to recover, hopefully. Up to this point, I still have no idea what might've caused it except for some obscure possibilities like taking shower at midnight (which I've been doing almost everyday for the past couple months), lacking of enough sleep (if you really consider 7h a day not sufficient) or working almost 10h a day in front of a 20' computer without any screen protector. Well, the list can keep on going, but I don't actually care much about it.
This "experience" has taught me a lesson, though. I realize that we sometimes don't appreciate our well being, taking it for granted. When we are completely in good shape, we always think that, well, everything is normal, as what it's supposed to be. We keep getting busy with our lives not having even a single second to thank God that we are, at least, still alive today. It was two days ago that my headache was so bad that I finally prayed to God, asking for His help. *I know someone will definitely laugh at me when he reads this=p*. Cliché, naive, stupid...I know how this might sound to most of you. But at least in this situation, God has awakened me from my spiritual catnap (I supposed) that I'm no longer on my road to perdition.
Well, idk if I would do the same thing again in the future, drowning in all my routines until I realize that they're actually not the most important things in my life. But when that comes, I believe He will again do whatever is necessary to draw me back, closer to Him. Isn't that something?!?
Anyway, I really hope that this headache won't ever come back. Once in a lifetime is certainly more than enough in helping me to understand how it feels to be a Mr. XXXXX. prior to exams haha.
My special credit goes to Andri for his free-consultation (yeah dude, it's really gr8 to have a soon-to-be-a-doctor mate) and Johni for his also-free Neuralgin. =)

sakit kepala = headache = Kopfschmerzen

It's been more than a week since I got this severe headache, which remains uncured after I went to 3 doctors, not to mention the ophthalmologist and the coming appointment with a neurologist this coming Monday.
So this morning, I did some online search for what I think I've been having: constant headache and here's what I got:

Constant headache is a headache, which generally arises out of tension, from any type of stress, changes in temperature or weather, lack of enough rest, or by eating the types of food to which you are allergic. It is very common in nature and nearly everybody suffers it. This headache causes pain in your head and makes your neck and back muscles tighten. That’s why people are so afraid of constant headache.

What You Need To Know About Constant Headaches

Some of the symptoms of a constant headache include pain and tension in your neck, back and head, as well as emotional fluctuations. Whenever a person has this headache, he loses his temperament very easily and feels exhausted and enervated. If he tries to work with a constant headache, he probably finds difficulty in concentrating and doing his job.

Usually, a tension headache develops more gradually than a migraine headache.

However, a person having constant headache may feel it for weeks or may last for years. Usually he feels pain throughout the entire day without a break. Of course, the intensity of his headache may vary from hour to hour. These headaches usually begin once a person hits middle age. The ailment is more common in women than men.

If you have a constant headache and it is affecting your normal life, then you need to consult doctor. Many a times it is seen that people indulge in self-medication, which is very dangerous. You might take overdose to alleviate your pain and even then, you won’t able to get relief from it. In addition, you should call doctor immediately if your headache begins suddenly with severity and causes you to feel weak, numb or dizzy as well.

Quick relief remedies an ice pack on your head and neck, taking a hot shower, or getting some rest works wonders.

Anyway, I really wonder why it's so difficult to make an appointment with a specialist in Singapore. For God's sake, they only have 4 million people here and most, if not all, of the neurologists are not free until next week? Are most Singaporeans having the same problem with me? Are they just getting too much stress? Or am I?

Der erste deutsche Artikel meines Blogs

ok, hier ist was passiert. Notgedrungen wachte ich heute morgen um 8. 20 auf, erzählte mir davon, dass ich fast genuger Schlaf gehabt hatte. Wie gewöhnlich musste ich eigentlich um 8.30 ins Büro sein, also das ist gut genug, dass ich heute zum Büro später kommen konnte. Ich hatte auf den Bus ganz lang gewartet, bevor ich auf den 183 aufstieg. Nachdem ich ihn ausgestiegen hatte, musste ich noch auf den NUS A2 Bus warten.
Indem ich auf denjenigen Bus zum Büro war, traf ich eine meiner Freunde, die ich länger als zwei Monaten nicht getroffen hatte. Sie sagte, dass wir eine Kontrolluntersuchung machen müssen, um die sg pr zu bekommen (wie doch unbedeutend). So, shließlich kam ich im Büro an, erfuhr davon, dass ich die erste Person war, im Büro zu sein. Diese finde ich sehr unerwartet. Würde ich das weißen, würde ich heute nicht zum Büro kommen.
Na ja, jetzt muss ich doch meine Aufgaben fertig machen, die nichts mit der Arbeit zu tun haben. Ja, der Deutsche Aufsatz, die zwei Hausaufgaben und auch eine vom Spanischkurs, alle muss ich jetzt schaffen, weil ich morgen die Arbeit meines Jobs wieder machen muss, die ich seit den letzten beiden Wochen nicht abhandele.

Ennui....

So here I am again, sitting right in front of the god damn 20' computer which has caused me a severe eyesight deterioration.

These past few months I've been thinking of how time flies really fast. 10 years ago, I was merely a 12-year old boy having no idea of what he'd be 10 years down the road. Today, unbelievably, I'm already 22, working (too bad) as a statistician in sg (even worse). Frankly speaking, I am by no means ready for such a big change. The idea of being a working person would mean a greater responsibility, commitment (??) and passion to love what I'll be doing, things that I definitely can't afford giving at this time point. Oh btw, today marks the 7th week I've been working for the company, sth. totally out of my plan. If things went according to what I had planned earlier, I'd be in the States right now, enjoying the fall and my new status as a graduate student in PSU. As it turned out, however, I am still here *god damn it*, trying to finish one third of my f*****g bond. I feel grateful, though, as I now realize that things couldn't have been better. If I were in the States right now, I'd still have to come back to this place after I get my degree, meeting those singlish-speaking people again after 4 or 5 years. Gosh, it'd definitely be a nightmare.

Ok, enough cogitating. I am actually supposed to see a doctor right now, getting a reference to see an ophthalmologist. Too bad, it's raining cats and dogs out there and I really don't feel like leaving this minuscule cubicle where I "work". But guess what, I still have some "tasks" to complete, finishing my German vocab list, memorizing the whole 7 pages and a lot of other not-so-statistics-related stuffs. So that's it for now and yeah, today's still gonna be fun as *bos gw masih d luar negri*

first post

Well well....it's 12.19 am, Monday morning SG time when I am actually supposed to be in our bed (YES-I have a bedmate now). Considering the fact that I'll be working tomorrow (or hopefully, if I'm in good shape 7 hours from now), I shouldn't be doing this...
Back in 2006, I used to have a FS blog, which I didn't use much to do postings though. Today, however, I just got this idea -from nowhere- to create a new blog, and hopefully it won't end up having only 3 posts as the previous one did.
A lot of things have happened in the past couple years. I have grown up realizing that I do really hate the place where I'm at now (haha....), and yet I just got my degree from one of the supposedly-best universities in the city. I have also come to understand that these people around me, being citizen of the island (note that I didn't even use the word "country"), need to think million times before they claim themselves to be English-speaking. Oh well, this is getting out of my plan - my first post would be full of hatred and damnation, if I continued discussing about this=p.
As yesterday, which was just over 37 minutes ago, was not a very colorful day to me, there's really nothing much I have to tell right now. With many more days coming in the next 12 months before I leave this island for good, I'm kinda sure that I'll soon have many things to write (or to bitch about, at least).
For those of you who anticipate reading all of my postings, be ready as you may find yourself a bit verbally-challenged along the way=p. The good news is that it's not your fault. Yeah-some of my postings will not be in English, sondern auf Deutsch, o en Español, atau mungkin dalam bahasa Indonesia.
Rest assured that you are always welcome to write me any comments or suggestions.

*Haskell*